To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
