I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
