I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
