Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
