Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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