You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
