Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize