oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize