worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
