In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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