I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to calm my uterus...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
