Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So vagazzling was a success
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
