It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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