my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
