# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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