try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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