pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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