she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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