it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
