did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
