remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
