Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No subtext here. People are naked.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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