i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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