happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
