Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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