so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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