I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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