happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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