My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize