I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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