Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
