I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
