He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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