what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
