I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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