I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize