i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just pee around me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
