Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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