Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
