my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The beer is more important than you right now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
