You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
