being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
