I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
