I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize