Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
