u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize