the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
