Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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