Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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