forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm way too hungover for life right now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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