My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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