So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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