called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize