hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
