I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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