We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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