We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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