there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
