My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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