so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
