Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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