I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You pole danced in your parka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
