It's Friday. Sex?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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