I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
