bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
