I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize