Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
