i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
