Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
