You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
