The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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