If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
