Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My ATM looks so different sober.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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