apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
