When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
