one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize