Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you didnt know i had herpes?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
