I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
