I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
