I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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