I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can Purell be used as lube?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
