This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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