dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
