he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
