I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
