help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
