I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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