Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
