omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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