Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
