I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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