I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
