white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
