I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i've created a new STD.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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