So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
