you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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