i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
