is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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