When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
