i would punch a child for taco bell
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
