i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
