How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
