i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will be naked everywhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
