Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
