We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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