The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
